Alright…
So it’s been a while since my last post. The Becoming Fantasy Project was put on hold. I won’t lie… I had pretty much abandoned it. The reasoning behind that is complicated in a sense… and I’ll explain it all right now, because I’m resuming it. Well… in a sense. I need to do a re-evaluation of the project to see what new goals are and what the desired outcome is to be… but that will come in time. Now… the rest.
So what was it that made me, in essence, say, “This game is stupid. I’m not playing it anymore.”?
It’s all you. Yep, that’s right, the readers.
Kidding. I jest. Trying to start with a joke because realizations and the like are often rather heavy.
When the going got rough and I was faced with the truth of the project (namely being that now I work in a very “conservative” hotel), I realized that there was so much I just wasn’t going to be able to do… and those little things, made me look at bigger things that I wasn’t going to be able to do… and then something that Gabe had said toward the beginning started making a lot more sense. I don’t know if it was starting to make sense because things were getting difficult, or if they were making sense because they actually made sense and I had just been in typical Air mode. Now… for those of you who don’t know me that well, those who do would most likely tell you that when I get into Air Mode, it’s probably just best to stand back until either 1) the winds calm and dissipate making it as though absolutely nothing happened, or 2) I end up hurting myself, at which point they just sort of make that face that seems to say, ‘well, I tried to tell you this was a bad decision, but… [you have a "listening problem"]‘.
So… that thing that made sense? Something along the lines of:
“But I like you now.”
He went on to say more. The idea of which was basically just that this was a big change.
And he was right. It WAS a big change… I wanted a change, but was this what I wanted? A change, but at what cost? And how much of myself would I have to compromise to achieve it? I started to think about what the original outline of the project entailed… “Studying the characteristics of leading characters and adopting and implementing those qualities into myself”… not bad. That’s pretty much life. We adapt, we grow, we change. We find traits we admire and try to incorporate them, that’s not a problem… but… then in Disc 3, the goal is to Become someone… else… entirely. And… therein lies a dilemma. It’s a dilemma because it’s basically changing everything about me to be someone else… changing by forcing, rather than adapting.
See the problem? I have an icon that’s of Ariel (the little mermaid, whatever don’t judge me *_~) leaning against the pillar on the docks crying, and the words are, “I changed to be with you.”
I guess I was starting to see the project as being basically that.
Anyway. That’s the explanation of where I’ve been. The next post… which will be made shortly, will explain another realization and another explanation of said realization. Stay tuned *_~
Becoming Fantasy © Stephen Marra 2010
